Sometimes it's easier to cope.
Thursday, 2 August 2012 18:42![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flint_garouWhen you're ready. Not before.
2 August, 2012
The moon is in the waning Full (Ahroun) Moon phase (99% full).
Flint emerges into the lobby via the stairwell and paces for the time being, never going past halfway to the door to the outside world. Earphones are removed, taken out and wrapped around his phone, which is glanced at and stowed in his pocket then.
The wait isn't terribly long. It would seem nothing tonight has held Kyler up this time. His face appears on the monitor just as he presses the buzzer to announce himself.
Flint crosses over to the door in short order, a smile flitting across his face when he's got it open, but it's a small one, and it doesn't last long, and it takes a long time and effort before Flint closes the door behind his packmate. "Hey," he offers, sleeves of his sweatshirt tugged down and hands pulled into his pockets. A moment longer, and Flint nods at the seating area, going over towards it.
Ky steps inside, and starts to push the door closed a beat before Flint gets to it. His brows tick upward slightly while the galliard finishes the task, then follows him silently to the seating area. "What's going on," he partly asks, and party greets. "How're you holding up?"
The galliard sits down on a couch, crosslegged, and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm holding up," is the answer Flint settles on. "Mostly."
"How long're they keeping you confined," Ky asks. He seats himself on a chair, feet tucked up on the seat, arms draped over his knees.
Flint swallows, visibly, and looks away from Ky a moment. "Until the vampire's gone, or dead," he answers, words quiet, but there's no reluctance there.
Ky nods slowly, mouth twisting off to one side. "I'll keep an eye out for her. Tim taught me a trick so it's harder to focus on me." He pauses, watching his packmate for a moment. "You know, it could be worse. You're at least confined here, where your tribe is, people who care."
Flint nods. "She can, she can change her face, what she looks like," he says. Flint leans on the back of the couch, shoulders slumped. "I think. I overheard, Kavi-rhya saying. And… I know. I… I promised not to, to try and leave. It's… helping." There's uncertainty, in Flint's voice. "I know, and… I even know, that, it's… right. That right now I should be confined." And that doesn't make it any easier.
"Think of it as a stay-cation," Ky suggests with a mild shrug. "Better with your people than without, too. Plus, you can have pizza whenever you want."
Flint purses his lips, and manages a little bit of a laugh at that. "Yeah. Heh, well. We have pizza, pretty often, it's true." Then his shoulders fall and he curls into the side of the couch. "But there's nowhere to, to go to get away from, the. Want to…" And then Flint trails off, manner tensing. His arms wrap around his chest instead of being shoved into his pockets. Whatever he wants, is left unclear.
"If I had an invisibility cloak," Ky muses. It's followed with a shake of his head. "What is it you want to get away from?"
Flint shakes his head and bites his lower lip, a moment, and there's a glance at his packmate. Almost searching, and certainly more vulnerability than he means to show. "I'm not sure," he says. "My ancestors. Myself. Everything that pain's not, enough to make it go away yet. The…" Flint trails off again, looking past Ky, at the door.
"Ancestors can be a real pain," Ky commiserates. "For real. They got some good advice, but listen too closely and their archaic knowledge shows through." He drops his feet to the floor, sitting a little slouched so they reach flatly. "I draw, whenever I want things to go away. Lose myself in the movement of the pencil or pen, the way the ink or led attaches itself to the paper. Different shades, from really light to super dark it almost tears the paper."
Flint grins, weakly. "Right now, they just keep, won't let me forget how stupid it is, and that," Flint takes a deep breath. "I draw, a lot. Music, too, loud enough that maybe, I can't hear, ancestors yelling. But, it's… worse, and then, when I stop, I want it again. I want it to, go out there and, kill her and…" This time, it's shakiness, tension that stops Flint's words, right hand twisting around his left arm, hard.
Ky looks down at his hands, one thumbnail tracing along the other. "Have you tried spending time in wolf," he asks quietly. "Sometimes it's easier to cope. Or try a cold shower? I used to get so cold, anyone not Garou would have caught the flu and died, when I was confined to the Scarred Woods. It helped."
Flint tilts his head to one side, listening to the suggestions with a grateful nod. "Should do that more, maybe, yeah," he agrees. "I. I'm trying, and. Yeah, maybe, sleeping, and in general spending time in the wolf, more, will help some. Nieve-rhya got me, stuff to destroy and chew on." And there's a quirk of expression, with exactly how weird that sounds in the run of normal conversation, that almost turns to a smile. "Thanks."
Ky shrugs off the thanks, but there's a look of understanding to Flint's plight. Maybe not the cause but the side effects, definitely.
A bit longer, and Flint regains what little composure he's got these days. There's a long moment of an easier silence, now. "I. I have to, to tell you what, she did," he eventually says, voice shaky again. "What I. What I let happen. It… I couldn't tell Lex, even though. But."
Ky lifts a hand to stop Flint before the galliard says too much. "When you're ready," he says patiently. "Not before. Not while you're upset."
Flint nods, slowing down, but he looks at Ky still, then starts, and looks down. "I can," he says, and then draws in a breath and continues. "It. I need to," he explains. "I was, caught up and, distracted because, I went out, and. I cut, and, while. She— Rose— while it was happening, she got, her blood, with mine, it was. Everywhere." His grip around his arm is tight, white-knuckled when he pauses, other hand held up, for Ky not to interrupt again. "And I. Didn't, find out until, after the, second time I, when I got back, home, Kavi-rhya and Rina found me and, told me. That, she was, a leech." And yeah, the galliard's upset, but there's almost a measure of relief once he's finished speaking, breathing steadying a little more. He doesn't look up, yet.
Ky is quiet for a moment, though the silence isn't a heavy one. It's obvious the Ragabash is thinking, by his expression alone. "Mistakes happen," he says after a bit, offering up a small shrug. "Sometimes… when you're deep in depression, you don't notice when things are wrong. But Flint… Don't… try not to go cutting when… at least have me there. Or one of your tribesmates. Not just because you can still kill yourself that way, but to keep more largely dangerous mistakes from happening."
There's another nod, and Flint's breath catches, before he refocuses on Ky, and the words his packmate is saying. It's enough to lessen his grip, though Flint doesn't look up much. "Okay," he says, eventually. Uncertain, a little. "There. There are no knives, right now, not. Kavi put them all away, only get them, if. Someone's with, with me. I… I'd, rather have, you there, than." The guilt is there for a moment, and then banished with Flint sitting up, and shifting to glabro, arms stretching out in front of him. To, for the moment, heal.
"You can do your thing," Ky says as he shifts around in his seat. "I'll do mine. I can draw, you'll have your privacy." He digs into a hip pocket, fishing around for his phone. Once it's freed, he thumbs the screen to life for a glance, then stuffs it into his pocket again. "You gonna be okay for the night?"
Flint stays in glabro for a long moment, then returns to homid. "Could you, stay? There's, extra space, up. In my apartment. And, pizza? And, 'f you're, with me, it's. It's okay." The request is made quietly.
Ky drags a hand over his head, scrubbing the bit of fuzz that's beginning to show. "For a couple hours," he agrees. "I gotta get back before dawn to turn in my haul. Or lack of it." Tonight'll probably be a less-than-average night unless he makes some sales on his way back to the warehouse.
Flint nods again. "Thanks," Flint replies. Though it'll be an hour of companionable, easy silence, before the galliard leads the way upstairs, for the rest of the time.
2 August, 2012
The moon is in the waning Full (Ahroun) Moon phase (99% full).
Flint emerges into the lobby via the stairwell and paces for the time being, never going past halfway to the door to the outside world. Earphones are removed, taken out and wrapped around his phone, which is glanced at and stowed in his pocket then.
The wait isn't terribly long. It would seem nothing tonight has held Kyler up this time. His face appears on the monitor just as he presses the buzzer to announce himself.
Flint crosses over to the door in short order, a smile flitting across his face when he's got it open, but it's a small one, and it doesn't last long, and it takes a long time and effort before Flint closes the door behind his packmate. "Hey," he offers, sleeves of his sweatshirt tugged down and hands pulled into his pockets. A moment longer, and Flint nods at the seating area, going over towards it.
Ky steps inside, and starts to push the door closed a beat before Flint gets to it. His brows tick upward slightly while the galliard finishes the task, then follows him silently to the seating area. "What's going on," he partly asks, and party greets. "How're you holding up?"
The galliard sits down on a couch, crosslegged, and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm holding up," is the answer Flint settles on. "Mostly."
"How long're they keeping you confined," Ky asks. He seats himself on a chair, feet tucked up on the seat, arms draped over his knees.
Flint swallows, visibly, and looks away from Ky a moment. "Until the vampire's gone, or dead," he answers, words quiet, but there's no reluctance there.
Ky nods slowly, mouth twisting off to one side. "I'll keep an eye out for her. Tim taught me a trick so it's harder to focus on me." He pauses, watching his packmate for a moment. "You know, it could be worse. You're at least confined here, where your tribe is, people who care."
Flint nods. "She can, she can change her face, what she looks like," he says. Flint leans on the back of the couch, shoulders slumped. "I think. I overheard, Kavi-rhya saying. And… I know. I… I promised not to, to try and leave. It's… helping." There's uncertainty, in Flint's voice. "I know, and… I even know, that, it's… right. That right now I should be confined." And that doesn't make it any easier.
"Think of it as a stay-cation," Ky suggests with a mild shrug. "Better with your people than without, too. Plus, you can have pizza whenever you want."
Flint purses his lips, and manages a little bit of a laugh at that. "Yeah. Heh, well. We have pizza, pretty often, it's true." Then his shoulders fall and he curls into the side of the couch. "But there's nowhere to, to go to get away from, the. Want to…" And then Flint trails off, manner tensing. His arms wrap around his chest instead of being shoved into his pockets. Whatever he wants, is left unclear.
"If I had an invisibility cloak," Ky muses. It's followed with a shake of his head. "What is it you want to get away from?"
Flint shakes his head and bites his lower lip, a moment, and there's a glance at his packmate. Almost searching, and certainly more vulnerability than he means to show. "I'm not sure," he says. "My ancestors. Myself. Everything that pain's not, enough to make it go away yet. The…" Flint trails off again, looking past Ky, at the door.
"Ancestors can be a real pain," Ky commiserates. "For real. They got some good advice, but listen too closely and their archaic knowledge shows through." He drops his feet to the floor, sitting a little slouched so they reach flatly. "I draw, whenever I want things to go away. Lose myself in the movement of the pencil or pen, the way the ink or led attaches itself to the paper. Different shades, from really light to super dark it almost tears the paper."
Flint grins, weakly. "Right now, they just keep, won't let me forget how stupid it is, and that," Flint takes a deep breath. "I draw, a lot. Music, too, loud enough that maybe, I can't hear, ancestors yelling. But, it's… worse, and then, when I stop, I want it again. I want it to, go out there and, kill her and…" This time, it's shakiness, tension that stops Flint's words, right hand twisting around his left arm, hard.
Ky looks down at his hands, one thumbnail tracing along the other. "Have you tried spending time in wolf," he asks quietly. "Sometimes it's easier to cope. Or try a cold shower? I used to get so cold, anyone not Garou would have caught the flu and died, when I was confined to the Scarred Woods. It helped."
Flint tilts his head to one side, listening to the suggestions with a grateful nod. "Should do that more, maybe, yeah," he agrees. "I. I'm trying, and. Yeah, maybe, sleeping, and in general spending time in the wolf, more, will help some. Nieve-rhya got me, stuff to destroy and chew on." And there's a quirk of expression, with exactly how weird that sounds in the run of normal conversation, that almost turns to a smile. "Thanks."
Ky shrugs off the thanks, but there's a look of understanding to Flint's plight. Maybe not the cause but the side effects, definitely.
A bit longer, and Flint regains what little composure he's got these days. There's a long moment of an easier silence, now. "I. I have to, to tell you what, she did," he eventually says, voice shaky again. "What I. What I let happen. It… I couldn't tell Lex, even though. But."
Ky lifts a hand to stop Flint before the galliard says too much. "When you're ready," he says patiently. "Not before. Not while you're upset."
Flint nods, slowing down, but he looks at Ky still, then starts, and looks down. "I can," he says, and then draws in a breath and continues. "It. I need to," he explains. "I was, caught up and, distracted because, I went out, and. I cut, and, while. She— Rose— while it was happening, she got, her blood, with mine, it was. Everywhere." His grip around his arm is tight, white-knuckled when he pauses, other hand held up, for Ky not to interrupt again. "And I. Didn't, find out until, after the, second time I, when I got back, home, Kavi-rhya and Rina found me and, told me. That, she was, a leech." And yeah, the galliard's upset, but there's almost a measure of relief once he's finished speaking, breathing steadying a little more. He doesn't look up, yet.
Ky is quiet for a moment, though the silence isn't a heavy one. It's obvious the Ragabash is thinking, by his expression alone. "Mistakes happen," he says after a bit, offering up a small shrug. "Sometimes… when you're deep in depression, you don't notice when things are wrong. But Flint… Don't… try not to go cutting when… at least have me there. Or one of your tribesmates. Not just because you can still kill yourself that way, but to keep more largely dangerous mistakes from happening."
There's another nod, and Flint's breath catches, before he refocuses on Ky, and the words his packmate is saying. It's enough to lessen his grip, though Flint doesn't look up much. "Okay," he says, eventually. Uncertain, a little. "There. There are no knives, right now, not. Kavi put them all away, only get them, if. Someone's with, with me. I… I'd, rather have, you there, than." The guilt is there for a moment, and then banished with Flint sitting up, and shifting to glabro, arms stretching out in front of him. To, for the moment, heal.
"You can do your thing," Ky says as he shifts around in his seat. "I'll do mine. I can draw, you'll have your privacy." He digs into a hip pocket, fishing around for his phone. Once it's freed, he thumbs the screen to life for a glance, then stuffs it into his pocket again. "You gonna be okay for the night?"
Flint stays in glabro for a long moment, then returns to homid. "Could you, stay? There's, extra space, up. In my apartment. And, pizza? And, 'f you're, with me, it's. It's okay." The request is made quietly.
Ky drags a hand over his head, scrubbing the bit of fuzz that's beginning to show. "For a couple hours," he agrees. "I gotta get back before dawn to turn in my haul. Or lack of it." Tonight'll probably be a less-than-average night unless he makes some sales on his way back to the warehouse.
Flint nods again. "Thanks," Flint replies. Though it'll be an hour of companionable, easy silence, before the galliard leads the way upstairs, for the rest of the time.